About This Service

Please hold your applause until the conclusion.

Experience? Indeed, I possess a considerable amount. I appreciate you inquiring. My background encompasses a wide range of writing endeavors, including speeches of every variety, articles, humorous roasts, years as a copywriter, greeting card composition, commercial scripts, and even some unofficial magic marker artistry on restroom walls along Route 80. That last part is a joke, or is it? I approach writing with the utmost seriousness at every tier because it is both my passion and my profession. I am prepared to assist with projects of any scale, from minor tasks to major undertakings, or discuss full-time employment.

Are you beginning to see my potential?

In all earnestness, I have engaged in diverse writing work for many years. This includes conventional assignments as well as more unconventional pieces, alongside pitching my own original manuscripts.

Should your project demand serious and solemn content, I adopt a profoundly earnest mindset. I go to great lengths to cultivate the appropriate atmosphere. Conversely, if your requirement is for humorous material of any kind, I simply adjust my mental settings to comedy mode.

Let us initiate a conversation. I have invested a significant five dollars to place this advertisement in this category. I can surmise your thoughts: you assume I am wealthy to afford such a sum. You would be mistaken. The current landscape presents challenges for writers with the rise of AI, but we creatives continue to rely on our intellects, as my distinctive style demonstrates.

While fictional columnists might fund lavish lifestyles on a single weekly article, genuine writers are more likely found perusing the clearance racks at retailers like Walmart and Target.

Please contact me via email to discuss your requirements, budget, and any other topics you wish to explore, with the sole exception of spiders, which I strongly dislike.

I await your correspondence with patience.

Thank you for attending my brief presentation.

Your enthusiastic standing ovation is too kind, please, you are making me blush.

I continue to await your email.

There is no need for guilt, but I remain in anticipation of your message.

Have your affections waned? I am still waiting to hear from you.